Spiritually Radiant writes:

Dear Guides, please show me the meaning and purpose of my connection with R.

The guide’s response:

Your connection with R is very well what you think it is.  You have known this one before.  It was a love/hate relationship and it is not complete.   And you don’t know where it fits, but more so, what that one is doing.

Let’s  think about what you are doing. You are very much seeking an external input of love and you need to do an internal calculation of how much you care for your being. Take stock, my dear one.  You do much to help others.  You try to walk the peaceful state but there is a deep need and it is to love one’s self.  You are radiant, there is no doubt of this. You are one of the first to help others.  Just help yourself right now.

Have no expectations of R.  Let that be where it may. Sometimes, it seems when you dwell in the physical world that one feels separated from the love, something to do with having a body.  You have experienced going outside of yourself to find the love and in that, yes, that peace and harmony.  But when you maintain within, you feel lonely and cut off.  You know many of the great books say: tend to your own house. This has been translated in many ways as being your household, but what they wanted to say often was your own being.  Yes, you can’t connect with the oneness and know its constant love for you until you internalize the loveness of self.  Loveness, I am making up words as I go along (chuckle).   Oh, you have much to do and I know you shall do all of it.  Drink deep of love of self.