Marriage, separation and children

Now I have a question from Christine. The question is about her daughter’s relationship with her husband. She wants to know why he is not returning home to her and the children. She wants to know if this is a marriage that can be saved or if they are better off apart.

This being, this husband, is very overwhelmed. Is very afraid of not being able to be what is needed. Feels unable to fulfill what is expected. This one struggles a great deal and has many deep questions within his body. He’s not sure who he is for himself, never mind for his dear wife. And she is very afraid and very needing and it is overwhelming when they are together. The unspoken things in the room create tension. The chaos is overwhelming. The chaos is a manifestation of that that is between the two of them—things unspoken, never directly. Both assuming things about the other and never speaking truth. Her heart is broken and so is his because neither can speak. As to coming back, there is nothing to come back to. This has never been a truth state. It was a continuum—something that carried on a long time and just resulted in…. Well, there was a promise, a most blessed promise. Children are wonderful and these are never a mistake or an accident, but a wonderful gift. And so let it be that this is what has brought the two of them together. And both can be magnificent parents, but until they can speak openly and honestly about who they are inside to one another, there is nothing to call a marriage.

Sometimes when people marry, the promise might simply be to have children then?

Oh, absolutely my dear. Sometimes that is one of the greatest purposes for two people to come together.

Yes, I don’t mean to belittle it; it’s a very special thing.

To facilitate the entrance of a being, to bring together nourishment and love, to help them to grow and be and learn and do what they need to do. That is a magnificent promise.
Bless these children. Tell them to be strong. Tell them to find joy in life. They are so sad.

It is always sad and difficult when your parents separate. It’s very hard on children.
And these children feel this. They are very much burdened by it. Tell the mother that it would be better for them to be clear about it. That daddy still loves them but that he just comes ones in a while. It’s very sad. For they are trying to make reasons why the two should be together.

So how can we best help children in that situation?

By never assuming that they don’t understand. They do. Speak it in simple and plain words. For they know exactly the vibrational state that Mommy is in. And she should say some days she is sad. And when she is happy she can say “Today I am happy” or “children you make me so happy.” But not to burden them with the responsibility to make her happy. Be very open and clear about how she is feeling because these children see her as a barometer. They watch every second that she be. And when she is in this chaos, they are feeling chaos—not grounded or safe. Tell this to her. And it is his responsibility to help the children feel safe as well. Not just the mother’s. It takes two, so tell them this.

Thank you so much.

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  1. Kristine December 16, 2007 at 7:39 am - Reply

    Beautiful, beautiful words. Thank you for the reminder that our children are truly a gift to us. Will keep this in mind for those challenging moments with them….LOL!I’d like to ask about the state of guilt. The guide mentioned that it comes from a need to be loved and accepted. May I get some clarity on this? Does guilt serve a purpose? Many, many thanks!

  2. Mike R December 19, 2007 at 8:16 pm - Reply

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  3. Michael December 20, 2007 at 7:24 am - Reply

    I’d like to ask the guides for any tips on my self care and keeping my spirit strong and true in my work.Thanks,Michael

  4. Darcy December 20, 2007 at 8:22 am - Reply

    I would love these beautiful guides to allow me to ask a question about the path that I have chosen in life? Is this the right path for me? Have I chosen wisely?Thank you so very muchDarcy

  5. angelaangel January 18, 2008 at 3:02 pm - Reply

    Hi I would like to ask the guides if I should open up my divorce case and ask for long term support from my ex-husband. I was entitled to it when we divorced in 1998, but I did not think that I would have trouble with employment, and did not want to go through the anguish of a battle, for my own sake and for the sake of our cnildren, so I agreed to a cash settlement.But as the years progressed, I just could not seem to move forward either emotionally or financially, and I have used up a lot of my cash, just existing.I have recently now found out why it has been so difficult for me. I have just been diagnosed with Pernicious Anemia, which I apparently have had all of my life. It is a condition which causes profound fatigue, and mental and cognitive changes, like depressions, memory problems, inability to concentrate, and scattered thinking etc. due to a lack of Vitamin B12 to the brain and body cells. I am now being treated, and things are improving, but I am grieving my young life, as I had so little energy to accomplish anything, and to establish myself securely in the workplace. However, I am most fortunate to have the loving support of my two wonderful children, so my life has not been entirely wasted.My physician is recommending that I apply for a disability pension, and has written a letter of support for a lawyer of my choice.The disability pension would run out at age 65(I am 60), and I do not want to become a financial burden for my children. I am doing phone sales for my daughter’s website, but I do not know if this job will be self supporting in the future as it is commission only.Should I apply for the disability pension and open up the divorce settlement?And if I do, will I incur the continuing wrath of my ex-husband?I do not look forward to that, as I once loved him dearly.Thank you for any insights you may have. I spoke through Jane to you years ago, and was thankful for your help.Lauren

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