Speaking your deepest feelings to find out what you need

Pam writes, “My husband’s business is failing.  They are not in trouble with the bank and are being proactive about going forward with whatever they need to do.  It came to me that it would also be proactive to sell our home.  He is not receiving a salary and mine does not cover the current bills.  I am also seriously considering separating from him after the sale of this house.  I have compassion for him, but do not love him like a ‘husband’.  He feels more like a brother.  I have stayed with him because I thought I had more financial security, but feel like this is a sign from the universe telling me to wake up.  If I stay with him I feel like I’m doing it to be nice but it is not what my heart desires.  Do you have any words of wisdom for me?”

The most important thing for this being to do is to find out her own truth.  This one is putting all her trust into the actions and choices of others and not into her own.  This isn’t a time to make a choice.  It is a time to be, to  be that that she is.   Many layers have been applied to her being, to cope, to maintain, to move through a time of difficulty.  It’s not unlike wearing coats of armour.  And as she begins to relieve herself of these layers of armour she will understand who she is.

She doesn’t want to cause harm.  Yes, she is attracted elsewhere because it doesn’t have all the complications that dwell within her life.

And how does she let that armour go piece by piece?

First by not being responsible for anyone else’s growth beyond her own.  By understanding that all her anger and railing at others to make moves and do and change is not going to change her feelings about anything.  She must be still within, go deep within the layer to understand how she loves herself, her life.  And dreams that were are not now.  She must understand what she truly is in the deepest and most loving part of her being, what she needs to be.  Not to do, but to be.

This is not an easy task.  I understand.  Your world has many pulls.  The physical domain is such that it puts pressure so that one needs to make the true choices of growth.  It doesn’t mean to walk away from it, for it will recur.  But one needs to be in and see what truly is present–the good.  And and that that you might consider not so good– but it creates growth.

This is a strong radiant being.  She has never spoken her truth, her deepest feelings, her fears, her love.  Do so now my dear.  To find out what you need, you must speak from your heart.  Whenever you are in the presence this mate you have chosen, you are fearful.  You must speak from you heart, take off the armour, speak of the tenderness. Speak that you want to fall into someone else, to feel held and supported.  Speak that he pulls away from you when you are most needy.  Perhaps it is your words, but it is your heart that aches.  Be not afraid to be tender.  You already know how strong you are.  Allow that balance of tenderness that is a part of you.

I cannot speak for his choices but you must first give all attempts to be that that you were with him and he with you to understand where and how you must proceed.  If you understand what promises are, you need to know that the two of you came together for a very large promise.  I will say to you, it is not complete yet.  That is why you struggle.  Be patient.

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  1. k August 26, 2010 at 10:09 am - Reply

    This has been a difficult year and I recognize the choices I have made to contribute to the strain. I have lacked clarity and honesty with my feelings. Financial and personal freedom is a clear goal and I continue to plug away on my project as I feel it still is a great thing to pursue. I continue to be nervous of how my children’s father is behaving – not for myself but for my children’s safety and am also wary of the intentions of the woman he has partnered up with. I don’t feel my children would be especially safe with these two. I am so very grateful for your guidance to help me through this time and how I can progress to independence and rest my very tired body and protect my children at the same time?

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