Stephanie has been separated from her husband for a year and a half. She says, “We’ve been married almost 21 years. My reason for finally leaving was, that I could take his anger anymore. I had started to die inside. We’ve done counseling and some small changes have been made in him and I have made some big changes. However, I still struggle with whether I should go back and keep trying or stay by myself and divorce. I do love and care deeply for him, but I don’t think I’m in love with him. I’m stable on my own; however, I would have more financial freedom if I went back home, but I don’t want that to be my reason. He deserves better than that. So my question is: Do I stay by myself and happy just seeing him exclusively (if he’ll continue to do that) or do I return to him?
This blessed being has truly done great growing and loving of herself and it is amazing and wondrous that she asks now again for herself. Though I will not make the choice for you, my blessed one, I will speak to you about how you are truly feeling. You have not yet truly understood how weighted you felt and how you tiptoed around his needs and his ego in many ways. And now away from it you’ve experienced your own choices, but you don’t even understand yet how you’ve grown.
To go back would only be a good thing if both were at the same place in growing. His conditions and needs are not the same as yours, my dear. And he wants very much to have you in his life again, for you were very comforting to him. He needs to do some growing yet as you yourself know very well, especially in the area of seeing more to life than just black and white; seeing that there are shades of many colors and people are not all the same.
You see, his understanding has brought him to here and now he struggles to understand, and feels that if he just waits long enough that you will return. Do you wish to be under that heaviness again? If you return now that is what will be. Continue to be who you are and of course, share and be together with this one. And see where the growth takes you. Perhaps in time you might feel that he has grown enough.
But as to exclusivity, I believe you are limiting yourself. I believe that you need to search and meet other beings and see how they be in the world. You have just started learning about yourself. Give yourself time. I know that financially… it is something difficult for a being of light to understand, but truly it is just a side part of your needs to grow—and if you ask for that that you need you shall receive it. I want you to take more time for yourself. Walk. Sing. There are many things you have yet to discover about you. You see you’ve been trying to keep a door open instead of letting it swing freely. Bless you, my child, for you are love.