Sadness and guilt over the loss of a dear old horse

Nancy writes:

Hi.  I have been nursing my old horse Cheers for some time now.  He started to have problems approximately 3 years ago.  He started with some colic problems, which I nursed him through and then he got really bad abscesses a year ago and in the fall the abscesses came back and he was very very stiff.  I have tried doctor him the best that I can and I thought that I was getting there again.  Last night at 10 oclock I gave them their evening feed and he was fine and when I got up to feed them this morning at 5:30 I found him in a total mess.  He has been thrashing around for some time and in the process had injured his eyes and he had colic very badly.  I had some problems getting him to get up but he did for me but needed to lie down very soon after.  I was sick and I called the vet but I knew that it was over.  The Vet determined that Cheers did not want to be here anymore and we had to euthanize him.

It was very sad for me.  I had to console his best pal Sunny for the afternoon and evening and I am sure that I will for some time.  They were together for 20 years and I have had both of them for 21 years.  I loved him he was “papa Cheers” my rock.  I am sure that Sunny will move on and in time I will as well but I have this aching pain inside that I did this to him.  I tried so hard to help him but in doing so did I hurt him.  I loved the guy and I know that he had these problems but what went so terribly wrong last night?  I miss him so much.  I just want him to know that.  Please let me know that he is in a better place and that he chose to go.  I have a horrible pang of guilt that doesn’t want to go.  Thank you.

The guide responds:

Dearest one, you miss this old friend  terribly, but know that that this one’s energy is with you right now, always.  For you are richer and wiser now and so is this amazing being that you helped.  Nothing went terribly wrong.  The chaos that ensued had to be, for there had to be a break, a letting go, an opening.  And the greater part of you knew this and so did this blessed one who is as wise and wonderful as you.  This loss, is a great deal to you at this time.  But remember, it is just about the physical loss, not the spiritual one.  For where there is growth, there is great light.  And where there was darkness and unknown, know that there is light within it–and you do know.  A better place is growing.  That that was, is now a better place for you are, you be.  It is the missing that’s hard, but be in the missing.  Feel it.  Allow the tears, close your eyes and remember the touch, the smell, the warmth and see that they are part of you, never to be lost, always to be.  The choices were made for there were no other choices to make.  Were they right for you?  Yes.  For this great being?  Yes, and there is great thanks for the outcome.  The love, the love is the outcome, my child.  Do not doubt it.  It is time to pay attention to your growth right now.  Love your being.  Take time.  Don’t force yourself busily on to other things.  Allow your mind to drift whether it be in pain or in joy.  Drifting is healing, not forgetting, being.

How can she deal with the guilt she is feeling?

By blessing it; by being in what she feels.  Stay with it and it will diminish.  If you concentrate on the pain, it will diminish.  If you try to hide from it; if you numb that part of you it will only grow in depth and destruction.

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