Husband’s friendship with another woman

Cheryl asks for insight on a situation she is facing. Her husband of 25 years developed a strong friendship with a coworker 20 years his junior. They both refer to her as wife #2. When she transferred out to another office, they began having dinner together on Saturday nights, as well as lunches and emails. This has been going on for over a year now. Although Cheryl knows this is a platonic relationship, she is having a great deal of trouble dealing with this relationship. Her husband knows that she doesn’t like it, but says that relationship is important to him and that it is Cheryl’s problem if I cannot accept it. She feels sad and hurt and would like some insight.

Tell her to become his problem! This dear one truly is saying these things and she is truly threatened by this situation and feels very sad that this being does not understand how hurt she is. The greatest problem is truly that she has never spoken. He doesn’t know. He is not a bad being, and he seeks to have this companionship, but of course it would be much more a pleasure if the two of them could find their companionship in each other again.

Tell her that she has every right to say to him that she wants to reunite, rekindle their relationship, and feels that this is not possible while his attention and energy goes in the direction of the other being. That she is not not liking this being, and perhaps she would like to join them, and if he does not accept this in any way then truly she must try to hear what the husband is saying to her.

Oh dear, this is not an easy thing for her. She does not feel good about herself and she needs to take time first to take care of her own being. It’s true. She needs to lighten her whole understanding of who she is. To put herself in the most radiant light and fill herself with love, to bathe and anoint her being with the most beautiful fragrant oil. She needs to make herself so wonderfully at peace within herself. Then, she should speak with this man. And she should choose and ask herself if she truly does want this companionship any longer. Just because you’ve been with someone a long time doesn’t mean you have to continue. It is entirely up to her. Every second you have a choice in your physical world. I wish most of you would realize that. That it is all a manifestation of what you need, and if she is not needing what is occurring, well, she can change this.

He is not bad, and the other, what is it? Wife #2? I would never accept that phrase! She needs to say that if this is not a bad being either, then all three should be able to find peace and happiness together.

Difficult for her, I’m sure. Thank you for that.

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  1. Kristine May 23, 2009 at 7:07 am - Reply

    I am witnessing a couple, who have two beautiful young children, having relationship difficulties. She is a free spirit and wants to pursue an “open” relationship, and he is crushed by this – doesn’t know if he should accept this or not. I have heard both sides and offered no bias or judgment. But I am wondering about this in general – what about open relationships or the need to be physically intimate with another? I would love to hear what you have to say about this – it is so common. Love Kristine

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