I have been with my spouse for over 15 years and had a long affair (for at least 5 years or more) with someone whom I almost left my spouse for. I have strong feelings for both my spouse and the other person who I had the affair with, however, decided to work on my relationship with my spouse. In this endeavor I have told my spouse about the affair and have been forgiven.
My spouse is a beautiful soul and we are trying to move forward. The person I had the affair with is now with someone else and we are no longer in touch. I am still torn, however, and sometimes feel very lost and sad. Have I done the right thing and can my spouse and I make our relationship work? Can we experience great love and be happy together again? Why do I still miss the other person and should I accept that they are a part of my past now and how do I move forward?
The guide’s response:
Oh dearest one, dearest one, you often feel so weary for you have been the strength and the source and power in this relationship with your spouse as you call. You seek to find a place where you can fall and not just be forgiven, but to be held tight and loved. Yes, all beings are good. All ones you love are good. Know that a bond created which you might think was created in this life, was an ancient one for both of these beings.
These bonds are not broken by a decision of the conscious mind; they still exist. Even if you would go to the far side of your physical world, they still exist. Even if you would leave this physical domain, they still exist. I believe it was even said by your Einstein that energy created cannot be destroyed and this is true of these bonds that you have. What you are doing now is trying very hard to fit into a decision that you have made. You have put iron bars around yourself and you can hardly even breathe, blessed one. So, what to do and what to say and how to be, how to love?
First, by loving yourself. Forgive yourself for wanting the excitement. Forgive yourself for needing to feel completely unconditional. You live under a shadow, my dear, and one you are trying very hard to be perfect in. Blessed one, if you were perfect you would not be in the physical world, you would be in another dimension proceeding with other learning. But you are where you are now—to learn, to grow, to understand your world. If you think that by removing things from your sightthat they will disappear, know that they will not.
The bond of love you have with each being stays in force and the more you try to ignore it, or say you do not love, the greater it becomes. This you will see in many places in the physical world, so stop resisting and accept the fact that you love these beings. You have great capacity in your soul to love many. Does it mean you are bad, or good? No. You are love. Love gives love. It is what you need to attract and you are afraid to look at. You want permission to be. Oh, blessed one, please be. Breathe. Take time to think and time to find out who you are and what this passionate heart wants. You are afraid to be alone, you are afraid to be judged by those that you feel are wiser than you. There is no one wiser than you for your path.
Oh, there are many ancient sages and wonderful beings that will give you advice. But what is advice? Advice is something before you that you might choose to take just to feel your being. Address the healing of your being, dear. Address this longing. I cannot tell you what you should or should not for it is not my growth—it is yours. But you know that journey that lies within you is not in peace.
Help yourself my child. Love yourself and allow yourself to grow. And after some time of loving and talking to your being and growing and stretching and understanding who you are, you will know what you should do. Bless you my child. Do not, I repeat, do not live in fear or guilt—but in love.