I want to know why my husband and I keep fighting over small issues. I think we love each other but somehow we always end up arguing over one thing or the other. Is this going to ever change? Can I do something to improve our relationship? Also though I do have warm affectionate feelings towards him , still for some reason why cant I get feelings as one would have for a husband for him?
Oh my dear, dearest one, the little fights are diversions for each of you to put off the truth that you both are feeling very hurt. Heart to heart, this is what you need to speak to each other. Perhaps if you sit across from each other and place your hand upon the heart of the other and speak to that need.
You live in a world where there are many demands, needs, expectations, but none of these things are important if the true basis of your relationship is shaky. You are afraid to trust and he too. This has grown into a great, large snowball and it is hurtling down the hill, and you are wondering if all is lost. But a heart-to-heart will melt it. When you do this both of you will remember who you are and what you want and need.
The relationship between a man and a woman or the needs of a partnership change. Each partner brings an energy and a new energy is created by that that is joined together. Oh, such weight is put upon this energy: to feed, to hold, to nurture, to bear witness, to guard against the world. Treat it like the finest gem between the two of you. Allow it to grow with time and space, and do not drain it. Let it grow to find the gifts that you give to each other.
You can feel this great love if you learn to trust again. It will not be easy. You must take your time, my dear. Look for that that lies within. Remove all of the clutter and unnecessary expectations. See the beauty of who he be and who you are. You can have that love. It is there. It has just been wrapped up in others’ needs.
So when this fight and squawking begins, even if you need to say out loud: Stop, what are we truly fighting about? What are we truly saying? Am I lonely? Am I hurt? Do I need you now just to hold me as It doesn’t matter now about this small issue.
You are afraid to say this. You have already decided he would not want to. Try to undo that, my dear. Try not to think his thoughts for him, my dear, or speak his words for him. Diffuse the situation by speaking from your heart.
See what you truly have at your fingertips: love.
Click here to see the YouTube video of the guide answering Maria’s question.