Beside Myself writes:

My dearest guides I am beside myself and need your guidance so badly. Please help me and show me the way – I am hurting so bad!

I had an affair with someone whom I fell in love with but because of my love also for my spouse and the guilt, I left my lover and broke their heart. I returned to my spouse and came clean about the affair. I work with my ex lover who left their spouse but is now with someone else. My ex lover recently suggested that we be friends and in not wanting to have any secrets from my spouse I asked my spouse if it was okay. My spouse was extremely unhappy about this suggestion and is not okay with my ex lover and I being friends. I have told my ex lover how my spouse feels and we are not friends.

Since then I have been very sad. Both these beautiful beings mean so much to me but it seems that I cannot have them both in my life. Please guides, I am at a loss and am hurting so much. I do not want to hurt my spouse again nor do I want to live a lie. What should I do? Should I ask my spouse again if I can be friends with my ex lover or would this friendship be dangerous?

Is my ex-lover happy in their current relationship? Does my ex lover still love me? What is my ex lover’s intention? Can my spouse and I move past my affair, be totally fulfilled, be in love and happy again? Please guides I need you to give me some direction in what it is I should do?

Even though I know how lucky we are to have this amazing gift of existence, I often wish that I cease to exist because my heart hurts so much. Life is not fulfilling anymore but painful and confusing. I feel as though I cannot be fully at peace and happy. Please guides I need some concrete guidance. What should I do?

The guide’s response: Blessed child, I do not mean a child as in youth, but I have a great love for you.  You seek permission to be.  You seek permission to love.  At no time do you really understand your choice.  What do you need to be?  I am not surprised you are confused with love, what it is and where it should be–for you seek to exist through the eyes of others.  And yet you can only exist in your own understanding of who you be.

It is true you cannot continue this way without complete exhaustion.  You are in fantasy and reality. You walk in the dream and the real state of being.  You are torn back and forth, your energies creating great exhaustion. It is not necessarily the confusion about love that creates this, it is the want to be seen. It is the need to know that you exist.

From very early in this path, this lifetime, you did not feel valued.  This is where you must concentrate now, blessed one.  Allow all things just to settle for a while.  Give yourself time to truly think about who you are and why you seek permission to be when it is from yourself you need to seek this.

What choice do you want to make?  Do you need this person to be your friend in your life?  Do you need this mate?  You are filled with fear, blessed one.  This is what you must resolve.  You can do it. You are very strong.  Walking in one’s truth is not only admitting one’s frailties, but also one’s strength.  It is standing in front of a reflection and seeing yourself. It is being.  Bless you my child for you will find your answers.