I’m feeling hesitation and fear concerning going back to school, or having a part time job, I don’t know what to do about my future I’ve been on disability for 9 years and i don’t want another 9 to slip away can you tell me what i need to hear at this point to lead a material and spiritual fullfilling life, thank you.
My blessed one, you are an ancient being that has come to the physical domain to help grow that that is needed. That part of you that is so vulnerable and sensitive to the physical world is your greatest strength, my dear. Be not afraid that you have fears. Embrace them and say it is helping me to grow because I am stronger then that what I fear. This blessed one is very, very wise, very creative and does know what is needed for his growth, to be amongst others to find light and joy. He fears letting people down. He fears being judged. He fears that he will not meet some unknown lines of acceptance. It is all about that blessed one for you are very beautiful, very wonderful.
Firstly, to address all of these external beings around yourself that have expectations of you, just love them. Do not fit or fill their need. You must do for yourself what is necessary by loving your own being. Reflect the love that you are to them and let them do and be as they need to and you do and be as you need to. School is a wonderful format where you can truly absorb all of the wonder of learning and growing. I know you worry about that that you must put down and say you have learned. But there is more to learning than what you spit out at the end of an outcome. Dearest one, just being around people is good for you right now. If it takes a class, do so. You have difficulty writing tests. First of all you launch into fear as soon as someone asks you something. Breathe and take a deep breath and be still. Give them the answer that you choose is right for you, in your own time. So, perhaps with you writing exams and things must be done verbally.
As to work, you need to choose something that is light. There are so many things you can do. Take on something that is not a career or a long-time thing to do. Most of the things you will be doing in work is helping others see what they need to do. But to fill the time, that need to be busy and attain some monies whatever seems quite charitable and makes you happy for a time. Don’t see it as something that is forever.