Elle writes, “My heart is broken about my son. He is lonely and fearful, depressed and defeated. Anytime he meets an obstacle in life, he just seems to cave in, and then says he tried and it didn’t work. He is intelligent and sweet and empathic. I am also terribly frustrated because I can never be happy while my child is unhappy. I sometimes fear that he hates me, but I don’t know why. Is there any way that I can help this small and broken family?”
He feels the sadness she has for him and thus feels he is not filling her needs. So right away, my dearest one, understand that you cannot be responsible for another’s growth, even one you love as dearly as this child.
So what to do? Sit down with your beautiful boy, eye to eye, and talk. It will not be easy. You must say that you worry about him; that you feel he is unhappy, and if there is anything you can to help solve this problem you are willing to. If it was something that occurred while he was growing, if there was a deep feeling of some regret, speak that you will listen, you will not judge, you will not be hurt. Tell him that your desire to help him grow strong is of the utmost; that he must make choices to make himself happy. And he must choose either to unburden himself if it something between the two of you, or to find help, for there is help all around him.
Now then, for mother’s own understanding, she must know that there are times in the physical path when one must feel miserable. It is part of growth and nothing to fear. That she has had misery many times and working through it and the choices made was there growth therein. So don’t be afraid of this. He is not going to launch into a deep depression. (Although if she believes that, he will fulfill it if necessary!) They have a very close bond and these bonds must create some distance from time to time and then come together again. But distance is nothing to fear, in fact it would be very good and healthy for him now. There is love, my dear. He will do fine. He is very, very wise, and he is very intuitive (just as she is). So trust that he has the strength and the wonder to choose for himself, to grow