Finding peace within after loss
Tina – First of all, I appreciate you all gifting us with a free question, how wonderful! The last 3 1/2 years has been very emotional for me. I have felt uprooted and moved around a lot since the deaths of my mom and my cats, to whom I felt close to. I have tried to follow my inner guidance to the many different directions I have taken, including traveling and work choices but am feeling frustrated at myself for not being able to settle down in one place and career. I want to travel yet be able to make a home for myself but worry that I am not financially able to do both.
I wonder to if I will ever feel fulfilled, that my feeling that there is something missing will heal. I grew up within a family that valued the different spiritual and metaphysical subjects, so at times even though I know what I
know, I have a difficult time coping. It seems lately that when a life-changing event occurs within my circle, I am challenged to deal with the issue 2,3,4 times over within a short time frame. For example, within a month, my mom and one of my cats passed away, and my dad had 2 major heart attacks, almost resulting in his death. Am I doing fine, will I find my way, whatever and wherever that may be? Part of my seeking guidance from you is for some reassurance and peace. Thank you for listening with open hearts and love.
Why does it all come at once? I know of this little one. I speak to your spirit. You feel battle scarred from your life’s path at this time, as if almost numb. I’m not surprised you don’t know where to go or how to be. What to do in those situations when you just feel numb? The body, this great receiver you created to dwell in the physical is telling you to be still, allow it all to be felt, to be seen, to be heard.
Don’t fight against the pain, embrace it. Embrace the fear of losing anyone else for that is most what you fear now. You placed yourself in a state of no-growth? Somewhat, but I don’t believe you want to stay there. But you fear moving forward and so you will block where you should be or how you should go. So address this fear. Address the pain of loss and the fear of losing again. Are you in limbo? No, not really. Walk in nature. See how the balance of the cycles and the circles within the circles are of the continuum. Know that there is a natural balance that you will find peace within.
There are many things early in your life that you wanted to do that you can now do. You will decide if you should do. You will take up the ability to write the verse. You were always attracted to it even in the very early life. Sometimes formulating a sing song around is the stillness you feel and will help you open the door.
No magic, only the magic of who you can pull forward from that that lies within you. Take your time and trust that there is a purpose and you shall move forward my dear. You will know that
there is anyplace in the world you can be if you are balanced and whole.
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Im not really sure what to ask here….my whole life has completely changed just recently and i may need some guidance.Ive been confused and have tried to explain my relationship with Spirit to quite a few people,which has only left me dissapointed and deeply sad and lonely as they look at me like i have 3 heads….Am i experiencing a kundalini awakening or am i just losing my mind and all hold of reality?I have suicidal thoughts once again and yet i am so grateful and in love with life all at the same time….there is a part of me that doesnt want to be here and cries to the Divine Mother to take me away from this body….but i am so lucky and blessed and i feel that i can help many with their own paths….I have put so much time and effort into my own transformation,but the pain and fear and terror and dread that i feel makes me wonder why i bother….I have these strange painful experiences more regularly now, and i have to be alone outside in the open space and my body will only take water, nothing else…..It feels as if something awful is coming my way and that i am no longer in control…..You will know that i met a truly amazing blessed girl who just radiates light and gentle wonderfulness….i love her dearly….but the relationship seems very painful for me while she is fine and well used of these things…..she has so much going for her so is happy enough with the normal life without turning to god or self realization….so what does that say for the last few years effort i have spent trying to evolve and love and accept?Im getting nowhere.It leaves me depressed……….How could i ever go to Austrailia when i am barely safe here and cant trust myself as i dont even know who i am anymore….i cant see much difference between my dreams and so called reality…..i seem very sensitive to energies and very rarely sleep anymore……..physical exercise is all i have to keep me going but it will never be enough….the desire for truth is stronger than ever…it feels like theres a warrior in me that will stop at nothing to find where i have come from and where im going next,what happens afterdeath and all the mysterys of existence that i need to understand….I dont want to pass through this lifetime and not find my truth and what we are doind here….in a way im not even interested in this physical world and yearn to know what else there is out there and how i can get there…..i very often cry for hours to god to give me clarity and understanding about things….then i pick myself up and find someone or something to love….I havnt been faced with any big decisions like this for a while and i feel if i leave my homeland i will end up getting hurt and lose everthing that ive built…people dont understand the sacrifices that ive made to get where i am now……when they are together being joyful,there is pain and difficult feelings inside me that i cant understand and i just want to turn the lights out….i wish i could know what my real talents are so i could work on developing them and put all my energy into finding a way that will benefit others….ive tried many things but most of them have failed miserably…..talking to people is no use as most people judge me….the place im in now,i would not expect anybody to understand as i am very confused myself…..i am sorry for sounding so negative here but i feel it is the only way to get my message across….i can only live like this in silence for so long before i need to reach out to spirit for some wise and loving advice….these days my best friends are not even human as i am in constant communion with some beautiful mysterious wise loving presence that just doesnt seem to want to reveal itself to me….i have tried everthing to know what this is…..anyway thanks very much again for listening and a very big thanks for you guys here at this amazing site for helping so many people with their problems….God bless you all….. x x x x x x x