When a relationship is out of balance

Anna writes:

Dear Ones,
I struggle to love in the appropriate direction (towards C, my husband). I yearn for a true, deep, spiritual connection, but cannot seem to get it with him. We are quite different, moving at different vibrations. We do care for each other, of course, and I believe there is yet a promise tying us. But the relationship feels shallow to me, and I do not feel seen and understood. He also yearns for more intimacy in the relationship, but I feel that without the deep love and understanding I need, I am unable to give this to him.

Also, I find it altogether too easy to love where perhaps I should not. There are a few others very dear to me in this life who I feel I can’t help but to love deeply. This causes me great joy but also great sadness, for I am restricted in my love. There is also guilt, although actions have not been inappropriate. Is the problem with me, or with the marriage relationship? What can be done?

I know I have come with this problem before, but I have not yet understood what I need to learn to move past it yet. Any help and greater perspective you can give will be appreciated. Thank you.

The Guide’s response:

She wonders why she does not have a spiritual connection with this mate she has chosen.  Truth be, she does have a spiritual connection with this one.  There is a promise at hand, and frustration is always present when a promise is at hand.  Do not judge, but accept that that being be where they are in their state of growth.  Do understand that there is a purpose at hand and that to not always know the outcome is a normal state of being.

This one does present to her stability, a place to be held, to be comforted.  Even though she often feels she is the one doing it, there is truth that she does receive some from it.  So be still.    When something is out of balance—which has occurred for she has grown more quickly than he—and so she must be still for a time.  Hold the space, be present in the love she has for this being.  Even though she does not feel the return of this love in the way she wants it at this time, there is love for this one.  That is why she has persistence in stayin

It is out of balance; there is a need to wait for him to grow.  But in waiting for one to grow it is not a time of judgment but a time of just accepting a being, and finding what is there that attracted her in the first place:  the sweet smile, the gentle way, the childlike attitude to many things.  A time to just be there in this relationship.

When a relationship is out of balance one might want to have physical touch, often manifested as sex in your world.  It will be needed more; it is often trying to find an avenue.  And the male form often finds the sexual act more comforting as a way of connection.  Where you want the connection through words and vision and thoughts that connect, he wants you to touch him and be there for him. You too do need touch.  Perhaps you should say to him at this time:  I need to be touched by you, I need your words of comforting.  There can be sex but it must be through a very different, warm, loving attitude.

You must voice your feelings gentle one.  I know you would never want to hurt him by being harsh.  Even though you feel often like being harsh for there is a part of you that is angry that you feel so alone.  But this is not the time to do so with this.  Speak gently that there is a need for you too, but not the sexual, just that you need the warmth and the support, the loving.  You should speak also about your hidden tears, as well, about your loneliness.  It is not the time though to speak about your attraction to others.  Know that very often a being that is feeling very lonely will be attracted to others.  Others seem uncomplicated; there isn’t the intensity of the expectations.  It seems lighter and easier to love others.   Partially this is the situation but dearest you have the capacity to love many.

Ancient beings do have the capacity to love many, in many forms.  This doesn’t mean that your promise with your mate isn’t correct; it means that you have great capacity to love.  But you will love yourself by being and speaking of your needs to this mate you have chosen.   You don’t desire to throw all away.  You want it to be.  And you must know that you are only responsible for your path, and he for his.  The fact that the two of your paths cross does not mean they will be identical, that his spiritual path will be yours or yours his.  It will be what he needs.  And he is in the place of trying, trying to grow.  It may seem like a diversion, completely different from yours–but it isn’t.  It is his path.

At this time blessed one, you have done a great deal of growing so now take the time to be still.   In this vastness of growth that you have stepped into, you have clarity of sight.  You can be still for a time, to see and to watch his beautiful process.  When your heart feels harshness,  know that you were judged harshly at one time.  You do not wish to do this to another.  Love.  Replace all judgment with love.  See this one with the softness of love that you want.  And wait.  If in time you can no longer stay in this place of stillness with this one, you will know.  And then you will step into another realm.  But first give this some time yet, blessed one.  And know that you are surrounded by many that wish to help and are there for you.  Bless you my child.

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  1. H July 14, 2011 at 8:17 am - Reply

    Hello Joanna …. I hope you enjoyed your break :)

    When the guides mention ‘a promise at hand’… does this always refer to having a romantic/mate connection….. or not necessarily? as I have seen this phrase used many times in different posts.

  2. Joanna July 14, 2011 at 9:14 am - Reply

    Hi H,

    Yes the guides often mention a promise as being at hand. They use this term for any kind of relationship promise, not just those of the romantic type. It could be friends or siblings or parents and children or even co-workers or a relationship with a pet. My understanding of this is that there is learning/growing to be done by one or both people in the relationship and that things are moving and evolving. In these situations the guides do not interfere or give specific information that might influence the individuals learning and growth.


  3. H July 14, 2011 at 9:53 am - Reply

    Thanks for explaining Joanna :)

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