Teetering on the precipice of the unknown
A guide talks about addictive behaviour
How do I stop gambling and find other passions to replace what gambling does for me?
You like the feedback, but you also like to teeter on the precipice of that that is unknown. And what does that mean? It means that you want very much to have a solid, steady life, but at the same time you’re going to say to everybody: I don’t care if you rip it all out from me. It means you’re trying to protect yourself, trying to get used to losing and winning, losing and winning, back and forth. You can’t hurt me any more if I’m losing and winning and I’m used to it.
It’s what happens when beings have been terribly traumatized. It’s like they’re saying: I don’t give a hoot about anything. You can’t hurt me any more.
It’s almost like courting disaster…
Yes, trying to make themselves familiar with it so that nothing can hurt them any more. And part of them wants to feel good about it, but what in fact happens is they are disappointed. It’s a strange action.
But do not be so harsh on yourself. Know that this is something—it’s part of that bandage; it’s part of that hiding. But once you start to open and feel yourself, you’ll realize that you don’t need to put yourself there. You don’t need to be on that precipice. You can walk wholly, solidly, and be sure that life is good and will be good for you.
You have been through a lot, but you are rich with knowledge. You have an amazing ability to be with people—because you have felt pain. In your own personal life you’re not that trusting of it—and that is what you want to be. So begin by just simply making it into a habit and practice it. Oh, I don’t mean phoney my dear. I don’t mean just putting a phoney smile on your face and saying: oh yes, everything is good. It means, each day trying to bring up something that really does make you feel happy. Familiarize your body with that sensation. The body’s cells do forget. It goes way deep, down in, before the pain.
And love your body, love your experience, love your opportunity to grow. See not the horrible things as something that holds you back, but as something that makes you whole—to move forward in strength. For you are an amazing strong being.
How can it be that although our essence is pure love and connectedness, it is not reflected on earth? Not even nature itself is all-loving. There is much hardship in animal and plant life. Struggle for food, to survive, fighting over territory… e.g. insects who kill each other in a quite unpleasent way. I know, we need contrast to learn, but shouldn’t it be within a more loving, happy-ending context? Why is it so important to be rather selfish if you want to be successful?