Cheenu – I am worried about my son. He has stopped listening to me and is getting aggressive. I have tried my level best to deal with him but I am unable to understand how to make him gentle and responsive. I feel so bad when he misbehaves with other kids and adults and says bad words . I feel I’m not able to become a good mother and perhaps I’m always looking at his faults. I curse myself for that. but the whole day I’m struggling to make him understand the right things.
I need some guidance to understand his thoughts about the world,towards me,where I’m going wrong and what should I do for myself and for him so that we can stop struggling. Is it because he doesn’t have siblings or probably because we are not giving him something he is looking for? plz help me understand him and mould both of us. I don’t want him to feel neglected because of me.
Dearest one, dearest one, firstly I will begin by speaking to you about you. If a parent feels unsure within themselves, it is felt by the child.
If a parent feels unloved, whether you portray it or not, the child will pick it up. Often the case is that you need the child’s love so much, that it distorts what the child needs.
But let us begin with you first. As you have been told many times that this is an important time for you. You are growing and learning, but you are also teaching and protecting. You are also trying to create a relationship that is long lasting and secure. And you often feel as if you are the go between or the bridge between each of the beings that you love so dearly each time feeling you must manifest and be a different person, for the different time, for a different need.
Firstly, finding yourself in all of this is a very, well; I will say the utmost important task. For if you proceed in loving yourself you will teach that to your child without any actions, but simply by being truthful to yourself, where you be and who you be and what you need.
And if you are gentle with yourself and loving with yourself it is taught to your child. To respect your child, you must respect yourself and the child’s father. And respect is not just something of submissive, or giving into other ways, but seeing them in the whole of who they be, hearing to all of the words they need to say.
If your child is not listening to you, you are not listening to him. If your child has anger, you have anger. It is said in your world to give you the best understanding when a spirit enters, when this little one came through you to be in your life with you, there is an energy created; energy between you and the father, and the child and we call this often just to give you an understanding, an attitude. For there is a certain attitude in every creation of a family whether it be loving or forgiving, or maybe it is judgmental and fearful. There is an energy and examine this to what your family has. Is it what you want? Is it your truth? Is it the healthiest for your young child?
Don’t worry what other people think of your child. It is most important what he thinks of himself and he is trying very hard to be strong when he is feeling weak. Who does that sound like to you? It sounds like you, doesn’t it?
So begin with yourself in a gentle, loving way. Trust that the child will learn as you do. Look at this beautiful child and do not worry if there are siblings or friends. Trust in him to find his way, his path. Nurture the gentleness. Speak of stories and listen to what he must say. Listen to all his heart speaks to you. And if he is afraid, don’t be afraid. Hear him and the fear will diminish because the very offer of hearing his fear is his trust in you. Not that you need to make it better, but if you hear him, the world will hear him.
You didn’t have the best time when you were young. Here is the opportunity for you to create it. Create it within you and create it for him. Not a simple task and I am not surprised that you are hesitant and anxious about life. But you can and you will if you take time to give yourself the purest of love, the love of a mother. It might at first be clouded by old feelings, old words and old concepts, feeling alone as a child, feeling you had to make your own way.
There are many things on your path, much uprooting here and there, but that does not mean you cannot be the strongest tree in the forest for your young one. But you can be like a tree and draw the great nutrients for you that your branches will grow strong and shade him. You are a beautiful being. Trust in this magnificent opportunity that you have. That is why it is an important time for you. Growth is an amazing gift of a lifetime.
Bless you my child. We will talk again I am sure.