Cycle of hurt in mother-daughter relationship
Kristin is having difficulty with her mother. She says, “I don’t know what to do. I often feel she drains my energy. She does not seem to approve of who I am and I feel she is always trying to make me into a different person instead of accepting my personality. I try my best to understand and accommodate her but do not feel she tries to understand me. I do love her very much and I believe she loves me but I do not think she likes me very much. I do not know how to break the cycle of hurt in this relationship.”
Dear, dear one. Oh, mother does love you dearly. But often what occurs between mother and daughter is this: When the daughter tries to take on her path and grow and radiate (all wondrous things) that the mother begins to think of choices she might have made if she’d had another opportunity. And a feeling begins, a feeling of “I wish I had done that”
Know that your mother does not want you to feel the way you do. She does approve of you. She adores you, but she feels that many of her own choices were not the right ones. And with the choices you are making she wants you to make no mistakes, instead of realizing that you must make all your own mistakes and grow from them, as she did with hers. That you are both separate individuals. She does approve of you my dear, very much. She thinks you are amazing in all ways, and that you will be a wonderful being, greater than her.
You worry that she isn’t choosing for herself right. And you worry that your actions might cause her some disdain. You want her attention for all children want their mothers attention and love and acceptance. And you have it. Even though she has an amazing ability to speak, she doesn’t always say the right things to you. She wants you to have no pain, no difficulties.
Tell her that It’s right for you to have your own pain, make your own choices and that your relationship with her should be pure love. It would be better if you two could speak openly about this. The two of you are often so close to tears and yet you hold them back. Speak of your heart; allow her to do this as well.
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