Cycle of hurt in mother-daughter relationship


Kristin is having difficulty with her mother. She says, “I don’t know what to do. I often feel she drains my energy. She does not seem to approve of who I am and I feel she is always trying to make me into a different person instead of accepting my personality. I try my best to understand and accommodate her but do not feel she tries to understand me. I do love her very much and I believe she loves me but I do not think she likes me very much. I do not know how to break the cycle of hurt in this relationship.”

Dear, dear one. Oh, mother does love you dearly. But often what occurs between mother and daughter is this: When the daughter tries to take on her path and grow and radiate (all wondrous things) that the mother begins to think of choices she might have made if she’d had another opportunity. And a feeling begins, a feeling of “I wish I had done that”

Know that your mother does not want you to feel the way you do. She does approve of you. She adores you, but she feels that many of her own choices were not the right ones. And with the choices you are making she wants you to make no mistakes, instead of realizing that you must make all your own mistakes and grow from them, as she did with hers. That you are both separate individuals. She does approve of you my dear, very much. She thinks you are amazing in all ways, and that you will be a wonderful being, greater than her.

You worry that she isn’t choosing for herself right. And you worry that your actions might cause her some disdain. You want her attention for all children want their mothers attention and love and acceptance. And you have it. Even though she has an amazing ability to speak, she doesn’t always say the right things to you. She wants you to have no pain, no difficulties.

Tell her that It’s right for you to have your own pain, make your own choices and that your relationship with her should be pure love. It would be better if you two could speak openly about this. The two of you are often so close to tears and yet you hold them back. Speak of your heart; allow her to do this as well.


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  1. bj June 7, 2009 at 6:10 pm - Reply

    Has David made the right decision to go back into a relationship that ended in divorce some years ago. The decision to go back was made out of guilt on both sides because of family problems they are now going through, problems they feel may not have happened if they had stayed together.

  2. KF June 7, 2009 at 8:47 pm - Reply

    My very dear friend PG is coming to a time of great spiritual growth. He has given me permission to ask about him. He is eager to open and walk through the doors to his future as a healer – through communication. Is there any advice you can give him as to what he can do to make his passions come true. Also he is VERY curious about past lives. Can you tell him how he can connect with his past? I feel there must be multiple times he and I have shared lives. Our bond is incredible-would you please help explain this and is there anything you can tell me about some of the ones we shared. Others in my family seem to “recognize” him. Love and Many Thanks.

  3. Care September 13, 2009 at 8:31 pm - Reply

    Without a doubt this is the most intense of all relationships, sparks alternately flying around and threatening to blaze the surroundings and then coming to rest in the intimate warmth of a glowing campfire. Until adolescence, the mother-daughter relationship is one of general warmth and closeness. Sure, there are the occasional blow-ups, but most resolve themselves with heartfelt apologies from both sides, and lots of hugs.

  4. Anonymous November 1, 2009 at 10:41 pm - Reply

    Thank you for taking the time to help me get more clarification on a past relationship. We were together a long time – helped each other in many ways – but now that he has moved on I am having some difficulty cutting all the ties I have with him. It just simply hurts so deeply and I would so like to be free to move on and love again. Do connections with past life partners ever stop hurting? I often feel connected to my soulself – but only for short moments – that is when I don’t feel alone and all is well. Who are my guides and how can I become more intuned with ‘knowing’.Thank you, Eva

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