Confusion about mothering and employment


Maria –  Hi I am really confused.There are so many things going on in my mind right now regarding my job as a software engineer. I have a 2 year old boy. We don’t want to send him to daycare. So the only option left for me is to ask my parents to come and stay with me to take care of my son so that I can go to regular office. Can I get a job posting where my parents are staying right now? Here the issue is that even my sister needs them to stay with her in few months and I too dont want to trouble my parents . I know their life will be restricted if they stay with us. What can be the solution?

Now another option I can try is work from home job but in my field there are not many opportunities for home based work. Do you think I can do this kind of job? When will I be able to find it?  Another thing that goes on in my mind is teaching in colleges but my education is totally different from my present job profile.Should I go back and study my degree courses again and try teaching.  And in all this will my husband support me to do job? 

Ahhhh…so much confusion, please help.

You ask so many questions, my dear, but you do not ask why you are not happy, why you feel this constant heavy burden upon yourself each of your days, why do you feel that choices have been made but none which you made for your own state of being.

You love your child. You want very much want to be mother to this one.  But you have placed  upon yourself the expectations of far too much.  Place before you what is the most important element in your path now and answering to that singularly will make you happy.

I will speak to you that you would really like some freedom, some release from this heavy burden, someone to understand what you are going through and for you to be allowed  to choose what you need to do for your own being.

The child is of the utmost importance to you.

Oh dearest, being at home with the child does not mean you will miss the opportunities you need to do.  You never wanted to do this computer work.  You are a natural born teacher.  So, take some time to be with your child now and look at different ways in which you can explore that that you need to do.  Talk to your parents about what you want to do. Try to talk with your partner, although you mostly feel he has  turned from you.

You are more than just a mother to a child. You are many faceted beauty.  But you have lots of time to experience all of these and the great burden of the child not being cared for properly is overwhelming to you and you are your own truth understanding that.

So, stop trying to chop yourself into a million pieces to answer everyone else’s needs and be that that you are — a lovely, loving mother.  And, in time, seek a place where he can go and play and be without causing you great stress. And then, bit by bit take on other things that you might wish to do.

You cannot spread yourself so thin that you are no good to anyone, especially your own being.  You read about the world outside of your little circle and you see so many opportunities you are not able to take.  You come from a different time and a different place and yet you have many modern wants that are vast and wondrous.  It is not an easy path you have chosen but you can do this, one step at a time.

Bless you my child.

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