Mary writes: 

I feel so lost and alone and scared sometimes. I feel this horrible pain stuck inside my chest and my throat. I have a hard time connecting with people, and feeling good about myself. And yet when I am at work I love the energy of being around people. Is it possible for me to see myself as a beautiful positive energy source connecting with all that is good?  Has so much of my early programming and abuse damaged me for life? Am I being re-traumatized by my living situation? I am afraid of depression taking over again, What am I supposed to do with the pain when it is there? I always try to exercise or get some fresh air to try to feel better. Is their something different that would help me better release some of this pain?
 Thank you very much for your time.

The guide’s response:

You are a very beautiful, gentle being.  You have come to offer great growth to others.  And this often causes some difficulty even in the physical form.  Having had, or given this, I don’t know how you will understand this, but when one puts oneself in the position of receiving physical abuse early in one’s liftetime, it is often a great gift you are offering another person of growth.  Since this growth did not occur it is a double difficulty for the great evolved being that has offered it. It is not that you are a sacrificial lamb but you put yourself in the place where another could have control over you.

To heal this, is to understand that it is part of the amazing being of who you are.  In that time, you were greater than physical you were more spirit than physical. To heal this, you must understand that part of it and as well that the greater spirit is the parent, the caregiver, the lover of your body. And so now, how to heal it and not have it hold you back as a weight of that time?  It is to be embraced. I don’t know if you understand that the willingness to love yourself is greater than any gift that you gave this physical world.  You are of goodness, of beauty.  You recognize any situation now that is abusive or where one has a control over you that is not welcomed.

Your living situation is not the best but it is not harming you. But it brings up memories and you are still very vulnerable to that that happened.  You need to take time to heal that.

As to the pain in your back and chest, this in fact is from a very sensitive intestine and bowel that reacts almost like litmus paper.  When in the presence of stress you are like a little chameleon. You put yourself in an element of stress and your intestines knot up and cause pain upwards through the back and in the chest.  You know this and you even had your heart checked, but there is nothing wrong with it. What this is in fact is a great, strong desire to feel the pain of others.  Evolved being that you are, you need to understand this and to find peace and harmony in your whole body.

There are many herbs, there are many ways you can heal this body.  But mostly you need to talk about the joy of who you be.  You know in your intellect that you are a beautiful being, lovely, gentle, giving.  It is your heart that is so vulnerable and wanting so much to find and trust and feel safe in others.  This is where your conflict happens.  This only happens by practicing it, by trusting in others and by sharing with them.  No, not sharing all of the pain and agony in your life–but the bliss and joy you see in life   To create a relationship with another one you must not bring up all of the pain first, you must share the joy of being first.

You are not lost, blessed one, you are found.  You are feeling all that is part of you.  This is not impossible, I know difficult, but not impossible.  Start simply with one thing each day.  Choose an element that will bring joy to you, healing to you.  Think not of that that you don’t want, but that that you want.    Fill your heart with the bliss of being.  Ancient one, you do see the beauty in your world. Peace.