J – My life partner of 35 years has just died after 3 years of living with cancer. I have lived through so many early losses of the most important people in my life — mother, father, young nephew, a dear lover, all my aunts and uncles and grandparents. Please help me understand why I have suffered so much loss. I am 65, and am reluctant to trust that my existing friends, relatives, and possible future friends will not contribute to more grief. How can I learn to be open to new connections, and not be fearful that I will endure more loss?
Guide – Hello Darling, there is no death. This one has transformed. It is so and yes my dearest, you have been through a great deal of back and forth, close to that separation and then pulling back again, back and forth and not knowing what your place or process is, to do and to be, how to fulfill and what not to fulfill and you have been trying so hard. Now it is like you are sort of wandering around not quite knowing who you are, or where you left you and what to do now.
It is true, dearest, you’ve had many transform in your lifetime. But if you truly understand what a lifetime is about, dearest, it is about learning and growing. So many beings have many beings that will leave, transform in your lifetime. And your job is not to have fear, to embrace it, to love; to stay in that place of love. Does this mean that there will be no more deaths or transformations in your life? No, my dear, I cannot promise that. It is part of this path, the comings and goings of it, the in and out, the yin and yang.
Darling, your greatest feat right now is to deal with many of your fears. You have walked about in a lifetime and over you has been this cloud and you’ve tried to very hard to be certain and control each step and to know that life will continue and be joyful. But when you are clutching so hard you don’t get to open those hands and allow the joy to come in. So, blessed one, don’t stay away from your friends just for fear of losing them. Enjoy being with them because if you really sat down and thought about your path would you really not want that great Mother, or the Nephew, or all of the loved ones that you have loved and allowed to go? No, for they brought great joy and learning. And that learning is part of your path as it is part of theirs.
Don’t be afraid of the transformation. It truly isn’t as much as you think. That dear one that you feel is gone from you, you still hold a great bond with and that bond will continue to grow. And it won’t hold you in this place of now, but will allow you to grow and become greater than who you be.
I will tell you, darling, that you have loved many, many times in many lifetimes. And it is because you love life, you love laughter that you will trust and will move forward into it again. Dearest one, we don’t come with little notes saying “oh this is exactly how it shall be” so you can divert yourself from it. There are many things in life that are just to be. But trying to keep it away from your heart is more work than embracing it.
So, love dearest child, love and love and laugh and love again. And know that the one that has since transformed loved to laugh, loved to tease you and wants you to move in laughter and life and be exactly the wonder that you are, a loving being. Bless you, my child.