I am so tired of trying and failing in friendships over and over again.
In truth, you want very much to be part of the whole and you need to have a few tools in which to re-enter it. As I said to you before, you have been out of circulation of many society situations. You need to practice how to be present. Listen to people. Give them your whole and complete attention when you are with them. Too often, people are thinking of what they should say instead of hearing to what another is saying.
Give a person enough grace, surround them in their presence with just light. Hold the space in light and love. Listen to what they are saying. Don’t respond in a negative way. You will know by feeling how feel within your body. If you want to reply in a negative, simply smile and leave the situation. If you are afraid of your response to things it is because you are reacting, instead of truly being present.
My dear one, you’ve had a difficult path. There is no denying this. You felt shunned many times and you judged yourself very harshly for when you were small you were raised in a community of judgment, rules and regulations of how you should be and how you shouldn’t be. And now you find it confusing, of how to be and yet you know in your heart you are a good person; a gentle, loving being that wants only to be that out in the world. So, go and be present amongst others. Be still though. Don’t try to be the funniest, or the most right, or the most attention gathering being. Just be part of them. Look at their faces and see where they be and how they are.
If another needs to hold the spotlight, then let them. Give them space. Just be quiet and hold the space in your heart of love for them. Think not of how you be, but how they be. And, in time, you will develop a strong bond with some of them and they will ask how you be. And then, in those moments, you quietly and gently say how you be. No, you don’t launch into every terrible action that has happened in your life, but that you be happy to be with them.
To be a good participant in life you must see others and allow them their space. You live in a time where everyone wants to be the main attraction, but that is not possible, but if you really understand how each of you are a brilliant beautiful light you don’t need to have that great attention. You will know it in yourself that you are love.
Bless you my child. You are not weary. You are just needing time to breathe. You can do this. I love you.