A grandmother’s concerns about visiting her family

Barbara asked about her son and his family. She lives a fair distance away and stays with them when she visits. She is concerned that they uncomfortable when she is staying with them. She asks, “Is it my own insecurities that are creating these thoughts or do they really have issues with me? I sometimes think that my daughter in law feels intimidated because of my profession as an early childhood educator and she being a first time mother that I may be critical of her upbringing of this child. I would never interfere with the raising of my grandchild, they are doing a wonderful job of doing that themselves and I have told them this. So why do I feel this way?

The guide’s response:

She is a most sensitive being. And there is a definite discomfort but nothing that she needs to plague herself about. It is quite natural that two women in a household with one man in common can have these difficulties. It’s not that there is any threat but that both are trying to be sensitive of the others need. If this makes her so uncomfortable she should stay somewhere else and just come to visit. She definitely doesn’t need to worry about them not allowing her to be close to the child. They know she has the child’s utmost important growth in her mind and intention.

She asks is the daughter-in-law threatened. Is she threatened? Both a little bit, yes. It is not unusual for this to be the case. Both want the best.

Any final words for Barbara and her family?

That she should fill her heart with love for them and they will for her. She should always remember that it is truly difficult for him to be with two women that he loves dearly and wants to please completely. Give him lots of space and time to be who he needs to be. And to never demand anything; that it is an honor to be present in their family. And if she wants to be wanted then she must be filled with love and total acceptance.

She can give give herself a break by not always being so close when she visits. I know it’s difficult at a distance; but she can do this. Their communion is much greater than physical anyway. She can be talking to them and laughing and feeling joyful. Tell her if they speak of a problem to just listen, not analyze. And she can say she knows they’re very good at being parents and she totally feels at ease with that. For it is difficult to be a grandmother but it is also the greatest blessing.

Thank you. I think that’s helpful.

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