Oh, blessed one, what a shiny bright light you are. There will always be a certain part of you that will want to control. It simply comes from that familiarity of many experiences, or lifetimes you have walked in.
But if you have a gentleness about it, and understand that it is just a part of you that helps you be where you be, but not be rigid within it and have some humour about your old familiar ways. You are already becoming enlightened, my dear, and being that that you are.
As long as you know who you are, you can work on all of the different frailties that the physical has developed. Fear not that it is so much more comfortable to be that that you were, than that that you are. For each second you change. It is as if you have to keep renewing the mirror and that is truth. For every second that you spend in the physical domain, you grow, you change, you evolve, hopefully. You are not staying in any place of no growth.
Your true self doesn’t have to have all of the answers. It doesn’t have to meet a criteria. Your true self is always changing, always moving like an elusive, beautiful light that is sometimes cold, sometimes warm, that moves with the breath. Do not have expectations of it. Just simply be it.
Bless you, my child. Bless you for asking, for growing, for seeking.