Christine asks about her relationship with her son, John. She would like to reopen communication with him and wants to know if this is a good time to approach him. She is also concerned about her own physical health. She asks what is wrong with her, has the cancer returned, and how can she regain her health.
Blessed woman, you can most definitely speak to your son from your heart. And continue to do so. Allow him to have his need for jealousy and making noise. He just wants attention. So give it to him. Talk to him. And if he refuses, then find another way to communicate. Tell him you love him. Tell him he was the most blessed thing when he arrived in your life. Tell him that even though he is angry (and use the words that you have; you have great ability to use these)… Use the words that you know he is angry with you and he should tell you if there is anything you can do to change it. Tell him if there is anything you can do to re-establish this lovely bond, that you will do it.
Christine needs to speak it up and down and back and forth–and he will hear it. He needs to read it and hear it and have it said over and over. And this is the only way she can find peace within herself, because she needs to say it out loud.
As to her own health, her own being is the creation of some sadness and some feeling of helplessness about much that has occurred. Right now she is not choosing to heal her body but rather to be harsh and angry with it, and fearful of not controlling every part of it. At one point in her path, she decided to not trust any more and this has caused her a great deal of chaos within her being. And she does not like chaos. She loves to control and have calm and quiet. In fact, when she sees any chaos it makes her quite nervous. This is why she works overtime and pushes herself beyond limits, just to have some order.
Dear heart, many things that you manifest are from trying very hard to be in order when you live in a world that has no order. Be still. Be calm. Nourish your being. Choose for your being nourishing things. Choose for your being a healthful attitude. So often you, you choose not for yourself; you take on attitudes of others. You take on information that another bestows upon you. Wise one, your own truth must be found here–your own truth.
I know you worry that you are creating a cancer. A cancer is your own cells going chaotic. What did I tell you how you feel about chaos? Darling one, dearest one, be not afraid of your own being. Love your being and understand that your frailties, your weakness, your chaos is a wonderful part of you—a joyful giggly part of you. Love your being my child. Be not afraid of it.