Jane asks about her son who has mental health problems along with drug and alcohol addictions. She says, “At the moment he is going through a rough phase and is moving from place to place in BC lasting no more than a few days. Traveling with no money and no sense of direction. Every day I run through the gauntlet of emotions from sad, angry, scared, worried, depressed. He says he hates his life, and wants to change but he doesn’t know how to break the circle. I have offered suggestions and encouragement. I am worried at the moment about his safety. Will he settle down and have the life that he wants to have? He has such a beautiful heart and I love him dearly.”
Yes, dearest mother. It is very difficult for you to watch and see this. You know, in your world sometimes, the best way to help another is to be what the other is. What do I mean by this? I mean when you speak to your son, why don’t you share your thoughts? Why don’t you share some of the things you have done that have…not created his path…. But in some ways when a being is in such chaos as this one, sort of bashing recklessly from wall to wall, he is reflecting a need you have within yourself to heal.
If you speak to your child that you too need to heal…. If you draw him close, of course it is your choice. It is not an easy path, but there is a way in which you can both heal your beings. Say that you cannot make choices for him but you can do for you. And you want to help yourself, and if he chooses and is willing, you will be there for him.
Of course you cannot do it for him, and this may take some time. But see him as, just someone careening about trying to find strength within himself, trying to find center. There was a time when you were that center for him. Go back to that time, both of you. Try to retrace your steps. Do not put guilt and blame into this scenario, bring love into it. Bring warmth and support and love. This will not be easy for you, but it can be done.
You have a choice, dearest mother. Do not waste worry and guilt. Speak of what you are going to do. Teach, and this will help.
So rather than telling him what he should need to do, she should talk about her process?
Yes, but not in a self-centered way, and I don’t mean that in a negative. Not to say, Oh hello son, this is my problem. But she could, if she chooses, say: I believe your problem is my problem too son. I think that way back when, when we were really close…. If we could just get there again…and both of us work towards something. I know I have had my problems and you have had yours, and they each are different.
But in some ways the two of you have come to grow and learn. It doesn’t mean, mother, that you are totally careening about. It means that there is a deep part of you that isn’t healed, and you know this. You hoped that it could just pass, but you need to go into your own pain to help this one.
OK. I’ll pass this information on.
Thank you my dear. Tell this one that she is very much loved and there are many around her supporting her now. They are not so much in the physical world, but they are in the spirit.
I’ll tell her that. Thank you.