Gail at the farm writes:I suppose I am looking for a direction. I seem to have lost my enthusiasm for life. I work in a career with the postal service and am so tired of working. I have a chance to retire but know retirement cannot support my expenses. We are on a family farm and share with my sisters. They both work here and I am finding I have less and less to contribute.
I am withdrawn from the family and just tired. I have lost my joy. The sisters are trying to open a shop to display our talents and our “trash” to sell from our various collections of family left overs. My husband and I are raising a fourteen year old grandson. I am afraid my negatively is adversely affecting every one and our progress. I have a blog, which seems to be my only joy.
I had a question answered by you in September of 2009 and I am no closer to a direction or a solution than I was then. I guess my question is: what’s next, what do I do?
The guide’s response:
Blessed one, you have limited your being, as if a prison, not your farm, not your job, not your sisters, nor husband, not beautiful grandson has imprisoned you. You have imprisoned you. You have said to yourself there is no place to be loved, to be light. There is no choice for you to choose to bring yourself happiness. So how do you ask that voice that plays over in your conscious mind to be still, to allow the radiance of love that is in your heart to do the talking, to overpower the conscious energy that you have accepted at some point?
You heart still loves, my dear. You have not lost that capacity. Your conscious mind leads because you have not put your needs at the, well, you are not even on the list. You are existing, you are not being. So, begin with a simple task. When you arrive in the morning to take deep breaths and just be thankful for that breath. Look outside to your world, and be thankful for that sky whether it be gray or blue. Look to the earth that constantly brings forth new life and thank it for being. Now find a place to see your reflection whether it be in the eyes of those you love, or upon a mirror. Do not see anything but love, a beautiful face, a wonderful body that has brought forth and created a world that is what you need to learn to grow from, to make choices about.
Are you tired of living? No. You are tired of limiting yourself. You are tired of saying no to your dreams. Your body is starting to manifest the very exhaustion that your conscious mind is feeling. But your heart feels it not. Your heart still lifts when it hears a certain song, or when it allows a memory to drift through of great and wondrous joy.
You do not need to escape from this. You need to be part of it. You need to stand in the middle of it and see it and your part of it, a very important part of it. You are not lost, my child. You need to see where you are. You need to open your eyes, your sense of hearing, your sense of touch. Be present in that body, feel and hear and taste all of it. It doesn’t mean you need to take action, but be part of it for they all need you, just as this child.
Be a presence in this child’s path, a wonderful place, for this being can speak truth. Because this child will teach you what you need to learn. This child, by seeking his own truth, by trying to break free from some expected conditions, can teach you about you. Do not fill the time with this one with words. Listen, reflect back the words that this child speaks to you and rejoice in the love. I am not saying that it will be all joyful, blessed one, as there will be times with worry and fret, a grandmother always does. But you want this one to find a place of beauty and harmony, you know the struggle, the words may come at you as quite negative, but just hold the space filled with love and the truth will grow.
As to the others in your life, truly when you are with them too, open your heart to them too. You do not have to have the answers, you do not have to fill their expectations. Be, blessed one. There is no ritual to follow. It is your path. You are the expert on you and you know that I have spoken truth. Rejoice in being who you are, blessed one.