Making choices to move forward

K writes, “This has been a difficult year and I recognize the choices I have made to contribute to the strain. I have lacked clarity and honesty with my feelings. Financial and personal freedom is a clear goal and I continue to plug away on my project as I feel it still is a great thing to pursue. I continue to be nervous of how my children’s father is behaving (not for myself but for my children’s safety) and am also wary of the intentions of the woman he has partnered up with. I don’t feel my children would be especially safe with these two. I am so very grateful for your guidance to help me through this time and how I can progress to independence and rest my very tired body and protect my children at the same time?

Dearest K, you are a very wise being.  You have great ability to help others.  You have great choices for others.  But you do not do any for yourself.  You talk about making choices and changes, but you have not done so for yourself, my dearest.  You cling to that that was and you know that was not very good for you.  So, why would you cling to it now?  You have before you complete chaos and yet you seldom to make any order of it.  You dream and want one day; make this day the beginning.  Make this day the one to step into the new life.  Act now, this moment.  You will have great joy, great ability and yet you plague yourself with that that was.  You have already chosen to move forward and yet you cannot without taking steps to do so.

Worry not about the father.  He is quite safe with your children.  He is not the strongest influence on them at this time, you are.  And you do well by them.  Now teach them to make choices of healthy and healing ways by taking care of things that are at hand. What is holding you back right now?  You.  You are paralyzed , you fear change dearest one even though it is right there. All of the great capacity within you and brilliance in your mind.  So why is this?  Are you repeating that that is familiar?  For even in pain familiarity can be comfortable.  How do I be?   By being, by acting, by doing.  And, at first, if it seems frightening pretend it isn’t. For you, it is time to try it on, step.  I know as I speak this your heart will race with fear of that that is unfamiliar.  But you can do it.

By | 2017-05-28T12:53:26+00:00 September 23rd, 2010|Categories: Growth and choices|0 Comments

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  1. BrokenSpirit September 29, 2010 at 3:17 am - Reply

    I honestly don’t know where to start…my life is such a mess. I lost both my parents this past May….unrelated deaths…9 days apart. This alone was devastating and I still find it difficult to put one foot in front of the other some days. I’ve had 2 failed marriages, both ending with betrayal and a breaking of trust, leaving me with severe, inhibiting trust issues. Until very recently, I’ve been with a wonderful man in a long distance, online relationship for slightly more than 5 years. He’s been amazing and caring and devoted…better to me than I’ve ever deserved. During the course of my mother’s year long battle with cancer, we sort of drifted apart…partly my fault for sheltering him from my pain, partly his, as he found his own interests elsewhere…games, etc. When we did catch up, our conversations were strained and fragmented…..talking about totally different things. Don’t get me wrong…..there was still more love there than most people ever experience. somehow, we just lost the connection….but never the love. In the meantime, I became involved with another lovely man…very much like me…maybe too much. but i was having fun for the first time in a long time. and I do love this other man as well, but the love is different. I can’t seem to get this first man out of my head…in spite of our differences and the difficult times we shared. He is with me all the time in everything i do…everything i think about. The other man is convinced he as some uncanny hold over me. Ultimately, our problem was and is his need for moving to a real life relationship…..and even tho i too want it, my trust has been so destroyed that I’m literally terrified to let someone get that close to myself and my learning disabled daughter. i want to move beyond it all….to give this a chance…but something strong…some force…holds me back. it feels sometimes as if I’m destined to to stay in this little shell I’ve built around myself and my daughter….yet i know there’s much more to be explored, if i can see my way clear. I jut wish I knew what the right thing for me was…and I’m grateful for any light you might be able to shed on it all. Thank you so much in advance….

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