Hi guides, I wanted to know why I am the way I am. I feel like I’m weird and different and that people around me sense that. I’m so anxious and it makes it difficult for me to think clearly. My anxiety has gotten worse and I don’t know what to do. I have a hard time clearly communicating my thoughts, ideas, and feelings. I can’t retrieve the right words to use to express my thoughts. I’m so uncomfortable whenever I go out to parties or any social setting. It affected me in my previous jobs, school, and all other areas of my life. How come I can’t just speak up and be myself or just be normal? I feel like that’s why I didn’t do well at my job. I just have been so down because I know I worked hard but that wasn’t recognized. I’m just stuck right now
The guide’s response:
Blessed one, you entered into the physical domain and then there was a time period in which you were pretty much swimming in the energy of that that is created by the parents. I am not saying they were right or wrong. But I am saying there was an energy of insecurity that surrounded you. You never felt terribly safe or secure and there was too much expected of you and not expected of you. There were too many conditions.
I am not judging, I am simply stating exactly how it was. So, as you grew through this, you believed that you must constantly keep moving in order to be accepted, that if they ever pinned you down on one thing it would be judged not acceptable. And so, you created a way in which to be in your physical world that was an armour to help you in that time, but now it is a weighty armour that is keeping you from being who you truly are.
So, for you blessed one, it is a time to start practicing being, to let go of that that was and let it be at that part and necessary time. And now, to stand at first feeling quite vulnerable, not knowing exactly how to be, but simply to speak from your heart, to breathe deeply into your body (as you know how to very well) and speak with the gentle purity of who you be.
And trust that slowly you will become stronger and stronger in who you be. No, you do not need to be angry to speak your words. In fact, that would make you more unsure. But to calmly move forward knowing that that part of you was an unsure childish creation of how to be in a world, and now as an adult you don’t really need it any more.
There is no one judging you but you. There is no harsh voice outside of you, only the ones you have created inside of you as a protection. So talk to that voice and say, “No, I no longer need this. I am beautiful. I am perfect. My words have value because they come from a pure heart.” This will not happen easily–but you can do this blessed one. Stand in the light and you shall be.