Firstly, I will say to you, blessed one, thank you for being so wise, gentle, strong, perhaps a little too passive for your own good, blessed one. You need some attention right now. You need to make a statement to the world that you exist, that you exist, that you be. The idea of writing down your thoughts is a wonderful one, for you have great thoughts.
I know you don’t know where to begin on a spiritual path, but I will tell you that you have always been on one. You have always allowed.
You were, in a previous existence, a warrior and you learned that it is so offensive to you that you would never cause that kind of attention again. Fear not, blessed one, you shall not. But it is alright to state what you need, to put your truth forward. It is not a war, or a fight, it is being. And, if you love yourself you must be.
Perhaps the loving of the self is where you need to understand the greater of you. That if you are a piece of that wonderful wonder of being, of God, of mother energy, then it is natural to love one’s self and to understand that the choices you make are for your growth.
You stated that you wondered if there is anything of your physical health. I speak first of your emotional health for that is where you must learn to love yourself.
Your physical body has come to a state of resisting a number of things. I believe in your world it is called insulin resistance. And so, you must also make sure that when you eat protein that you space enough time, perhaps five of your physical hours of between the eating of protein again. It gives your body the knowing again instead of the spiking up and down.
You might call it a blood sugar difficulty. But, in fact, what has occurred is that there has been too often eating of protein and, of course, your other foods as well. Space them apart and give your body time to relax in between, it will take you a while, but you can do this.
It wears hard on the pancreas and gives some difficulty to the liver, this situation. Rest your being. Make sure you have lots of rest. Eat nourishing foods, things that can be absorbed without too much difficulty.
You have a situation where sometimes your blood pressures will rise up too high and too low. You have deep emotional things you need to speak about and thus, your nervous system is very in turn to your reaction or your electrical system which causes your pressures to swing high and low. How to reduce this again is to get lots of movement, dancing, singing, deep breathing and joyful actions.
You are not in bad condition, my dear. You just need to balance a few things. Listen to your body. Answer to its needs and it shall not fail you.
Bless you, my child.