“One single mom” asks for advice about the father of her children. She says, “In the same breathe often he will proclaim this great love for his kids and how he misses them immensely and is so very sad he is apart from them – but he will also tell me he is too busy to see them as he has to work hard to provide for them, or that he needs to get away to clear his head because he is so unhappy. I do not appreciate his behavior. His communication skills do not make any sense and give me a headache.
I have hovered over my children to protect them from his nonsense but now I am thinking they need to learn how to deal with his personality. They are strong but I don’t want him to hurt them emotionally the way he has me. And I do realize that their relationship with him is different from his and mine. I am tired and overworked because he knows that I will do all the parenting and care giving while he tends to his own desires. Will my children be happy and feel secure and safe if they spend more time with him? And how many lifetimes have I shared with these two gigantic little ones? Many thanks and love.”
This one has spent many lifetimes with these children, and not always has she been the mother. As to the father, do not worry dear one. Do not feel responsible for their relationship with him. They will find it and it will grow. together–at the same rate. Your frustration with this being is something that you must just, well, relax about. You cannot be the one for all. You can only be the mother. Know that your children will be secure if you are secure. Yes, and I know she seeks.
First published on the “old” blog February 19, 2010