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Dearest one, your heart aches for your son. You feel very badly for how things have been. And yet you know survival is very important—and you had to survive. There are conversations you need to have with your son, face-to-face or perhaps even written. But you need to have them. He may not want to be listening to these words at this time, but you need to have them.
The bond a mother has with her child is huge. There is no stronger bond. Tell him that you need to speak with him, that you want to speak with him, that you want to see his shiny face. Do not judge; just be. Of course, he is in an attitude right now of doing fairly well, keeping he head above water, you might say. He is kind of angry at all of these other opinions about him. But he’s starting to feel good about himself—and that’s very good.
I know you feel you have failed; but there is no such thing in that bond between a mother and a child. It is how it is. And it’s organic. It grows and wanes in thickness and in health. And know this. Continue to love him; continue to see him. But trust he is doing well. Bless you my child.